Ask Pulse: Does my boyfriend love me if he texts only once a week?

Ask Pulse is a weekly advice column and a listening ear to help you sort through your issues.

This week, Jenny is almost 30 and ready for marriage, but her boyfriend only texts her once a week.

Dear Pulse,

My boyfriend hardly calls or messages me. He only texts me about once a week, and he doesn’t like it when I call or want to spend more time talking on the phone. He excuses his behaviour by saying it’s been a long time since his last relationship, and he doesn’t know how to make things work.

He keeps telling me to be patient, but I haven’t seen any improvement. He also uses his financial situation as an excuse for his behaviour. He doesn’t have a job, so he has a lot of worries about money. While he isn’t violent or cheating, I feel like I’m in a one-sided relationship.

One time, I got fed up and broke up with him, but everyone told me I overreacted. So, when he messaged me again asking to get back together, I agreed. However, nothing has changed. He doesn’t seem to care about my feelings or needs. I’m not materialistic, and I’ve never complained about him not giving me gifts, but it would be nice to get gifts. I am holding on to the hope that things will miraculously improve. I’m seriously praying about us, and although I told him I’d wait for him to get his act together, it doesn’t seem like he’s making any effort. How can I know if he’s improving if he doesn’t even talk to me?

I’m turning 30 soon, and I never imagined my relationship life would be like this. On top of everything else, he doesn’t want to get a job because he claims his mental health can’t handle the Nigerian work system. It’s a mess. What should I do?

Jenny.

Dear Jenny,

It’s completely understandable to feel a mix of societal expectations and personal desires, especially as you get closer to 30. But here’s the thing: marriage is all about finding the right partner to build a fulfilling life with, on your own timeline. Don’t settle for anything less than someone who complements your goals and makes you truly happy.

Concerning your boyfriend not texting or calling, this is a recurring issue with many relationships. Many men have spoken about not understanding or seeing a need to communicate with their girlfriends regularly. However, communication is essential in any relationship. How can you communicate with someone you barely talk to? If you were okay with his limited communication, that would be different, but you’re not. Your needs aren’t being met in this relationship, and that’s a red flag since your needs deserve to be fulfilled and not denied.

It’s also concerning that he doesn’t want to get a job. Even without the financial implications — the country is hard and things are expensive — that means he’s not too busy with work to call you. The fact that he doesn’t even buy you gifts is another worry. Having a partner who gives thoughtful gifts can make you feel loved, and you deserve that, especially if you give thoughtful gifts too.

ALSO READ: Ask Pulse: The woman of my dreams has friend-zoned me — how do I get out?

Ask yourself honestly: Are you settling for less because you’re worried you won’t find someone better? Let your answer guide your decision.

Pulse.

Pulse